The Magic Blankie

When its cold and dark outside, I like nothing more than snuggling on the sofa under my blanket with a good book or a film. Some would even say its medicinal. No, really, they would. They'd go on to claim that its excellent for treating chronic diseases and that everyone should have a Magic Blankie of their very own at home.

Enter the healing blanket TMB-01, which stands for Treatment Multilayer Blanket. I prefer The Magic Blankie, though to be honest. Or Truly Mad Bollocks, that would also work. I love how they think also assigning it a number will make it more scientific sounding. Mind you, coming from SCENAR (Self-Controlled Energo Neuro Adaptive Regulation), we can be fairly confident that they have a robust, experienced Department Of Shoehorning Random And Sceince-y Words Into Acronyms (DoSRASWIA) on the case.

NO Kermit! Don't you know that by saying bye bye blankie you are denying yourself the health benefits of Magic Russian Technology?!

They're all the rage in Russia apparently. And I suppose, given how cold their winters are, it's only natural that every household would have a cosy blanket lying around. At only $325 a pop, why wouldn't you?

So what can the healing blanket actually heal? Lets see what Scenar have to say about it:

"The healing blanket TMB-01 can be combined with other therapies for a treatment of a wide range of diseases as well as stand alone independent treatment for psycho-emotional regulation, insomnia, stress and reduction of muscular spasm. The TMB blanket also helps to regulate psychosomatic conditions, relieves constant tiredness, and improves feelings of well being."

Insomnia, stress, tiredness, psycho-emotional stuff. Well we all have problems with those, don't we. Lets have a look at how we should use the blanket: 

"Maximum effects are achieved when the patient is wrapped completely and sleeps... One procedure takes around 40 minutes and could be repeated 2 – 3 times a day. The course of treatment is between 15 – 20 days 9 up to 1 – 3 procedures a day)".

Right, so to make yourself feel less sleepy, or to stop insomnia, what you should do is get cosy in your Blankie and sleep. Yep, seems perfectly plausible to me that the effects on conditions caused by lack of sleep are purely down to the blanket itself and nothing to do with sleeping, or just having a bit of a relax. Although frankly, having a 40 minute nap three times a day for 20 days is unlikely to help my stress levels as I'd have time to get sod all done in the rest of the day. 

How is The Magic Blankie supposed to work? Similarly to a tin foil hat, it would seem. It's made of layers of metal, which apparently shields the body from all external electromagnetic fields and radiation. Except, presumably, your head, which you'd probably not be covering with the blanket to avoid the minor inconvenience of suffocating. Its a reverse tin foil hat, I suppose.

"No, no its fine. We don't care if any electromagnetic evil rays of death  get into their angelic little heads,. It's not like there's any useful organs in there that might need protection. What's a brain ever done for us?"- SCENAR Department of Making Excuses (DoME) Spokesperson. Probably. 

Physicists, forgive me if I'm wrong here, but aren't there some forms of electromagnetic radiation that even several feet of lead won't stop? But those clever Russians have found a way to stop all of it. Makes you wonder why X-ray departments aren't simply tents made of these blankets held up with curtain poles. They could be renamed X-ray dens.  

Anyway, what about evidence? There is some, of course. It's just been blown away by the electromagnetic fields of reality.

Hxxx

P.S.I hope the sarcasm is clear enough in this post. Don't want to end up with quotes being used as testimonials or anything. "AT $325 A POP, WHY WOULDN'T YOU?"- H-Jo, Skeptic Pharmacist